Why Not You? Rethinking your identity after children.
I have had the honor of working with a variety of women over the years and it always surprises me when someone talks longingly about what someone else is doing — acting as though they themselves could never do it. Why not? Why them or only them and not you? There is room for all of us out here in this big wide world.
Whether we like it or not, our lives are passing us by every day — we might as well be taking action on what we want to be doing!
This really struck me in 2019. I had been staying home with my daughter for about a year and felt that while I had gained this amazing little lady and a huge new purpose in my life, I was losing the sense of who I was. See, I hadn’t planned to be a stay-at-home mom. I always planned on being a “career woman.” Growing up I would watch movies like The Miracle on 34th Street or Curly Sue, taking inspiration from the high-powered career women characters in these stories. I never pictured myself married with multiple kids. Here I was — now a stay-at-home mom, living in the suburbs (ugh! lol) and not feeling at all familiar with this version of myself. Feeling so off led me to overeat and find comfort and solace in ice cream and treats. I was struggling, constantly thinking thoughts like: “why did I work so hard just to end up staying home” and “who am I now other than Audrey’s mom.” Not that I saw motherhood as a bad thing, this phase of my life just left me feeling SO confused and overwhelmed.
As I continued to ruminate on these thoughts and the impetus behind them, I took some meetings with great people in my life and felt encouraged to explore how I could shift things to meet my new role as Audrey’s mom and develop a fulfilling career path. I took inspiration from women around me who seemed to be “doing it all” and decided, why not me? I created my own business, realizing that flexibility and control over my schedule were priorities for me in this new phase of my journey. My personality type and the fact I am an enneagram 3 drives me to achieve and feel important. I wanted to use all of my experience and expertise — but I wanted to do it my way. I jumped right in — creating my website and a business plan and felt excited to work on brand strategy projects for several clients. I really hit the ground running in February 2020 and had some great kick-off meetings. Then COVID-19 hit. I couldn’t help but feel frustrated by the timing.
Throughout the rest of 2020 and into 2021 I’ve focused on becoming a leader in developing the future of an international consumer products company. The challenges I face in my corporate job resonate with my desire to modernize corporate marketing and business practices. As I look back now, I can see how this detour to my original plan was meant to be — it helped me hone in on my real purpose and where I wanted to go next.
Everyone has a journey and almost all of those journeys have a messy story behind them. I’m finding that the “mess” IS the thing. It’s the most important part. The mess is where connections are made and new opportunities arise. The mess is where passion meets strategy and seemingly random occurrences crystallize into interesting paths to take. Where are you in your messy journey? Are you still standing by the side, wondering why others have what you want? What is holding you back from taking that first step? I encourage you to really think about the question — why not you?
Originally published at https://www.katemohan.com on September 9, 2021.
